antipeptide sings

 Events are passing so rapidly, and I'm not as I had hoped, living up to the dream of making this fall a season of writing. I'll do my best to reconcile a few major events here.  On Saturday November 7th, the AP called the race for Joe Biden. I felt truly happy, and even had a glimmer of a new, or perhaps a very old feeling of hope. It's a little cheesy and put on to say, and maybe I was leaning into it too hard, but it's nice to see something go right for once. I spent the morning making music and found out on Twitter. Around noon I drove around downtown for about 20 minutes and blasted "We Are the Champions" in a hamfisted attempt to feel engaged or be a part of some wild celebration like I saw on Twitter. After several days of sleeping poorly and waiting for results, it was a great day. Of course Trump made a claim to fascism by declaring himself the winner, etc, so we will see what the future holds, but the victory is still sweet.  This past weekend I went...

  They say modern humans appeared about 300 thousand years ago. I understand why we say it this way, and it sort of makes sense, but I don't fully understand what it must have been like. I was taught when first studying biology that most everything is a species, and each species is defined mostly by the fact that it can only viably reproduce with itself. This gives you a handy tool to decide if those two finches that look similar are actually the same species, if they can make a non-sterile offspring, then they are probably the same species. The classic example of something which violates this rule is the offspring of a horse and a donkey, a mule, which is sterile and therefore not either it's own thing, nor proof that horses and donkeys are the same species.      As you start to learn more about animals and evolution and things it becomes pretty obvious that this definition is sort of a hazy rule of thumb that only applies sometimes and is actually only useful for b...

  One of the things I've always found most profound about studying the human body is how immediately useful every little bit of information is. Almost nothing you learn besides the exceptionally pedantic and needlessly latinized names for things is useless to you. Even something as trivial as learning about the shape of the bowels, or the asymmetry of your stomach gives you a way to ascribe some sense to feelings that are otherwise usually kind of disembodied. Knowing how your blood vessels react in certain situations and why tells you why you feel a certain way, like when you leave a restaurant at night and you feel colder than when you went in because more blood has been shunted to your digestive system to make sure your meal is comfortably metabolized.      For me it's almost like psychotherapy. As someone terminally obsessed with the "why" of things,  subtle feelings that I've managed to overlook for many years suddenly have a reason for being there, an...

I'm not sure I know what to call it yet, but I've been slowing fleshing out in my mind a sort of semi-realistic optimistic future. I think the first words I used to describe it may have been a "pastoral daydream" which I still think would be a great moniker for a chillwave outfit. More recently I've been trying to sandwich together phrases like "Eco-Tech" or "Eco-Pop" (another idea for music, maybe a genre?), or more vaguely using images of tree houses, wild flowers and domestic gardens and electric bikes and solar powered laptops. I often will try and pry some distasteful element from the over saturated modern life out to wash off and reexamine as a puzzle piece for this "best case scenario" future I would hope for. It's about 1 part science fiction, 1 part idealism, and 1 part some beacon of principles I hope to move toward or define more clearly. Usually I'm thinking about this as just a helpful exercise in finding the basi...

Memorandum I had a dream last night that you and I were back in each others lives Except it wasn’t nice this time I’m hoping I can just forget, it’s been two years and it hasn’t happened yet I can’t remember half the things you’ve said, but I can still see you in my head   Embarrassing is just the least of things I feel when worrying why time has passed and I still bring up things I never want to think about again   This morning’s sunrise never ends I want to go back to sleep again and re-dream things that have not happened, re-contextualizing whens   I’m not so ashamed no more of my actions, thoughts, or core work out the contradictions that keep my brain and muscles sore   Wintering I wake up in the middle of the night and I drift backwards in the light I never thought what I would say   It takes a little longer now and I can’t believe it’s always been the thing I’ve most feared I walk you out to your car it doesn’t seem so far not as far as it once would as f...